Verbal Liberation

I need an outlet. I really do. Here I am, sitting bored shitless (but ah my God, just finished watching Carl Barron- that man is hilariously ordinary, and is the source of my new found passion for crude words) and I don’t have any way to entertain myself other than you know, talking to you and you is really me so really this is completely pointless, or talking to people I don’t want to talk to purely because they said one bad thing to me. God, when did I get so fucking sensitive? I was going to write the word “sensitive” in caps, but decided to put the word “fucking” in front of it so it’d have more effect. Clever, eh? I love swearing. It’s just so liberating because it sounds so gosh darn awful and full of fucking real passion which is something most people find hard to deal with. Yet I fail completely when it comes to being a potmouth, you know, like OUT LOUD and stuff. I hate that expression (potmouth)- they’re just words. Whatever happened to ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words could never harm me,’? My God. It’s downloaded and now I have no excuse not to go on and cure my boredom by talking to people I kind of like, but not enough to work up the energy to sustain an actually [thrilling? Maybe that’s strecthing it a bit, Jesse. Let’s stick with “interesting”] conversation, which of course leads to an awkward... ‘Oh yes, I’m still here. You?(tonguey smile) LOL AHAHAHAHAHA.’ DON’T DO IT. EDUCATE YOURSELF ON HOW TO SPEAK SHAKESPEAREAN. Aha, let me share some with you. He’s quite brilliant.

1. Instead of you, say thou or thee(and instead of y’all,
say ye).
2. Rhymed couplets are all the rage.
3. Men are Sirrah, ladies are Mistress, and your friends are all called Cousin.
4. Instead of cursing, try calling your tormenters jackanapes or canker-blossoms or poisonous bunch-back’d toads.
5. Don’t waste time saying "it," just use the letter "t" (’tis, t’will, I’ll do’t).
6. Verse for lovers, prose for ruffians, songs for clowns.
7. When in doubt, add the letters "eth" to the end of verbs (he runneth, he trippeth, he falleth).
8. To add weight to your opinions, try starting them with methinks, mayhaps, in sooth or wherefore.
9. When wooing ladies: try comparing her to a summer’s day. If that fails, say "Get thee to a nunnery!"
10. When wooing lads: try dressing up like a man. If that fails, throw him in the Tower, banish his friends and claim the throne.

It’s a shame; I did find a better version during biology the other day. I mean, methinks I foundeth a bettereth version during biology on that fine summers day. Okay, I fail. I wish I could do rhyming couplets.
Oh, this is tres sad. I’m talking out loud to myself on a Saturday night. Why can’t I be Saturday Night Girl? I am alone. I hope you weren’t expecting a depressing speech, because there isn’t going to be one. I think I’ll just go read ‘The Bell Jar’. You know, that one about the girl who goes mental because she realises her husband or husband to be is a hypocrite and she hates him so much because he hates poetry and she’s a wannabe poet and then she goes and gasses herself in a gas chamber like a fucking lunatic? Yeah, that one. Good story, that.