A horse walks into a bar. The bar man says, "Why the long face?"

So, anger's a weird emotion. I'd like to say it drives people to do insane things, but then when you look at most of the horrible things in the world, they're generally the result of the pursuit of lust. Maybe. I'm not sure. I'm also not sure what anger even is, mainly because most of my life has been rather devoid of said emotion; I've always been able to brush off supposedly mean jabs in my direction (ahem, Beaconsfield College guy) and get over even the slightest tiff with a quick perspective check. Because that's how I just work- anger in itself has always seemed a completely counter productive emotion, but then I guess most emotions are? Selalu messy. I'm so confused. I can always talk myself round; always persuade myself that there's a deeper, more pressing issue behind anything that could possibly push another person to lash out in some (to use the word yet again- Where's a thesaurus when you need one?) anger inducing way, and I don't get offended in the way I know some people do.
I was hanging out with this awesome person today, and he told me, as many people have, that he couldn't imagine me ever being angry. Ever? You people clearly don't think I'm capable of being human. But generally, I guess the only person I ever get mad at is myself; for not being hard working enough, for not having enough self discipline, for not knowing how to act most of the time, for being perpetually confused, for not caring enough to do my hair nicely, for not being grateful enough, for not being a great friend, for being silent, for just hoping that blundering through life will somehow lead me to wherever I'll be happy, and who knows where and when that'll be? It's always my fault. Always. Always?
Q: But just because I'm able to push away any feelings of hurt or anger, does that mean I have to? Why am I not allowed to wallow in the depths of my inner emo psyche, utterly convinced that I am of no worth as a person?
A:Because I don't matter at all. And it's my duty not to matter; to be sweet, nice, inoffensive and generally at peace because that's how my father's daughter was raised; that's the image I've projected of myself to the world and so why change?
I don't want to be angry.
But I am.
Let me have time, and I will get over it. Because it's my fault.