A horse walks into a bar. The bar man says, "Why the long face?"

So, anger's a weird emotion. I'd like to say it drives people to do insane things, but then when you look at most of the horrible things in the world, they're generally the result of the pursuit of lust. Maybe. I'm not sure. I'm also not sure what anger even is, mainly because most of my life has been rather devoid of said emotion; I've always been able to brush off supposedly mean jabs in my direction (ahem, Beaconsfield College guy) and get over even the slightest tiff with a quick perspective check. Because that's how I just work- anger in itself has always seemed a completely counter productive emotion, but then I guess most emotions are? Selalu messy. I'm so confused. I can always talk myself round; always persuade myself that there's a deeper, more pressing issue behind anything that could possibly push another person to lash out in some (to use the word yet again- Where's a thesaurus when you need one?) anger inducing way, and I don't get offended in the way I know some people do.
I was hanging out with this awesome person today, and he told me, as many people have, that he couldn't imagine me ever being angry. Ever? You people clearly don't think I'm capable of being human. But generally, I guess the only person I ever get mad at is myself; for not being hard working enough, for not having enough self discipline, for not knowing how to act most of the time, for being perpetually confused, for not caring enough to do my hair nicely, for not being grateful enough, for not being a great friend, for being silent, for just hoping that blundering through life will somehow lead me to wherever I'll be happy, and who knows where and when that'll be? It's always my fault. Always. Always?
Q: But just because I'm able to push away any feelings of hurt or anger, does that mean I have to? Why am I not allowed to wallow in the depths of my inner emo psyche, utterly convinced that I am of no worth as a person?
A:Because I don't matter at all. And it's my duty not to matter; to be sweet, nice, inoffensive and generally at peace because that's how my father's daughter was raised; that's the image I've projected of myself to the world and so why change?
I don't want to be angry.
But I am.
Let me have time, and I will get over it. Because it's my fault.

PENIS

Life as we know it is not a peach,
It is neither an apple, nor a cup of tea.
Words rush by as birds fly too fast for mere humans;
clocks strangle the obese from the thin
and we all simply smile,
ignorantly
content. Yelling will not liberate you here.
There is a time for peace and a time for war but hush,
Father is unhearing our sorrows. Blood flows freely so
strive not for golden stars-
hoard your coins now for ugly curtains once you've outgrown Peter and
let him instead flicker by the light of the lamp.
Let the darkness creep in
embrace it nakedly
dance in it
pain.
As ducks potter tenderly around our feet we muse
What are their lives worth?
But if everything and nothing and something mingled and the world spun
Perhaps then we'd be dazed; let us awake.
Let us awake.

So there's this guy. He's pretty amazing and I'm so confused and worried because I think I like him too much.
Ta-da! Remaja gadis crap over with! Maybe. Maybe not. I'm also confused about why I'm so happy. Why?
Why, Lord, why? Don't scare me like this. That saying about how smiling scares other people, I think it's somewhat relevant here. Except the only time smiling scares me is when it's on my own face. It does make for efficient time use though. I don't know. Should I be worried?
Hmm. I made a vegan cake today. It's a marble cake and it's 6 different vibrant colours. It looks oh so pretty on my kitchen bench top. AND I HAS FLOWERS IN MY ROOM NOW THANKS TO THE LOVELY NICK! Lilies! They're the flower of death, apparently, but they're so nice! And as some people argue, the theme of death is quite ah suitable in my room. Because I'm emo like that.
I'm going to learn to play guitar. And I'm going to get two bins to put in my room and decorate them according to their use- one for recycling and one for just plain old rubbish. And then I'm going to put up one giant Indonesian word on my ceiling which will say SEMANGAT which means, literally, spirit, and every time I see it I'll be reminded of Indonesia and Indonesian people and how I really need to get 98.4 to be happy at the end of this year.
TO CERTAIN PEOPLE. I want to tell you to be happy, but I know it's not that easy and I'm just going to sound like a hypocrite because I hate when people say that to me when I'm down. But seriously.

P.S. I'm too much of a coward to take credit for the title, so just blame it on Jeremy. And sorry for using your actual name here, Jeremy.

:D

ponder.

I say: 'I see'

I mean:

'I don't really understand but I'm attempting to appear to consider whatever it is you are telling me if only you continue talking, which I hope you do.'

'I'm waiting for more information.'

'What am I supposed to say to that?!'

At times, I might actually see. But don't hold your breath.

aku mau memelukmu

Post ini akan dalam bahasa Indonesia karena gw keren seperti itu. Tapi jangan coba terjemahkan ini, karena mungkin akan aneh kepada yang bicara hanya bahasa Inggris.
Aha! Permasalahnya minggu!
1. Gak ada HP, jadi, gak bisa ngobrol sama orang tertentu...dan kangen sekali. Dia selalu gembira dan bisa menyelesaikan kalimatgw...dan kalimat ini tidak bagus. ADUH bahasa Indonesia gw kurang pandai dan akan gagal di hidup.
2. Sudah memutuskan bahwa bagu formal kurang cocok.
3. Tidak terlalu senang membahas politik.

Thinking in Indonesian is too hard. I'm supposed to be good at it, too. And really, don't bother translating it because Google translate is rather off with its translations.
I'm moving house tomorrow. Back to good old safe, old people housing, cardigan wearing snob filled, lovely oak tree paved Balwyn, and I'm almost sad, but then I remember how much closer I'll be living to most things that make up my life. Those things being school, work and my friends... how incredibly ordinary I am.
I really miss Indonesia too, and everyone there.
My mind is incredibly blank right now.
I get into these moods, where I'm reminded of what a loner I am... where I don't want to talk to anyone, and as a result I'm not able to maintain any form of conversation whatsoever and this is just horrible. I don't know what's wrong with me!
My knees are also awful. They deserve to never see the sun.

and here is the deepest secret that nobody knows

Plethora is a good word. It means this:



Geddit?! A bun dance. Abundance!
I have nothing to talk about these days. Apologies.

He carves you a new smiling face.

I received this in a forwarded junk email, but I thought it was strange and somewhat beautiful.

That is, the bit AFTER the pumpkin joke/fable/thing. That was just strange. Because I am not a pumpkin, even though I used to be.

From one pumpkin to another!!!!!!!
A woman was asked by a coworker,
'What is it like to be a Christian?'
The coworker replied, 'It is like being a pumpkin.'
God picks you from the patch, brings you in,
and washes all the dirt off of you.
Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed.
Then He carves you a new smiling face and
puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'
This was passed on to me by another pumpkin.
Now it's your turn to pass it to other pumpkins.
I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.

empire of the universe, almost as large and powerful as this of is over snow, and it seemed as though the snow flurries and the

except ourselves and diseases and with such an infinite geniality the terror of that vault. How sweet it was to see the clouds

Although I have to admit I don't quite understand what it means now that I've read it properly, but I'll just say it's because there's words missing. Is there? I can't tell nowadays, with such obscurely indie poetry out there. It does sound a little threatening though. Is it God trying his best to communicate that I must forward this on to other pumpkins or else something awful will happen?

Harumm. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Ahah.

Stolen from a friend.