I think becoming vegan made me a bitter person.

So here's a post; because I texted my friend about this and he hasn't replied even though it's already been at least 3 whole minutes and I'm kind of going out of my brain with worry. I'd just talk to someone else but I don't think they'd get it- vegans are supposed to calm, and in touch with nature, and noshoewearing hippies from whose delicate fingers stream peace and love.

I'm angry. I'm angry a whole lot nowadays, but I'm also confused. As a vegetarian, my life felt lifted and I was happier knowing nothing was murdered just for the pleasure of my taste buds. As a vegan, however, I feel like my life has been completely and irreversibly altered so that everywhere I turn now, I see sin. I see sin on my family's dinner plates. I see sin in food courts. I see sin in supermarkets. I see sin in cafes. I see sin in bakeries. I see sin in gifts. I see sin in the smiles of strangers, because they now look fake to me. How can anyone consume any animal by products and still be happy, with the knowledge that those by products were most likely not taken in the kindest of ways? And then, I feel guilty for thinking like this; I'm turning into those vegans I so despise, the ones that scream and yell and shoot withering looks at meat eaters or even vegetarians because they haven't made the same choice they have.

And then I worry that I've gone too far- that being vegan is too much for me to handle because my hardships become humanity's evils, and any sense of disapproval I feel towards meat eaters who see vegetarianism as unnecessary is multiplied up to staggering heights behind which I stand, unable to see things as they truly are, as one person- one person- will spit a condescending comment in my direction about how I'm a contradiction because I refuse to contribute to animal cruelty but feel no guilt for "hurting" plants. Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea plants had the capacity to feel emotional or physical pain. Why didn't someone tell me sooner?

I want to give up. It's too hard.






But I can't. I can't go back now, not with the understanding that the lifespan of a cow is potentially reduced by years through the milking process; not with the understanding that chickens are potentially crammed into cages where they will spend their short, miserable lives; not with the understanding that "free range" eggs potentially means chickens are stuffed into barns where many die of disease or suffocation; I can't have any part to do with potentialities of any of those situations, but I can't maintain my same state of mind either.

I guess I need an attitude change.

But you know what irks me? (No, I'm not done ranting.) When meay eaters get defensive if you question their eating habits and say 'I'm not the one who cares about animal rights; you are.' That's a totally dodge thing to say, but I've heard it on several occasions although it may have been said in jest- but seriously? So it's completely fine to say that vegetarianism in itself is a contradiction, but the murder of innocent animals makes perfect sense? I guess if you don't fight against it, then there's no need to justify your actions; thus allowing others to find *contradictions*. Tell me. Why do you eat meat? I begrudgingly admit there is logic in the "eating meat allowed the human brain to develop" argument, but do we still need meat now? Or have our brains developed so that we could and would find moral objections to abusing that intellectual superiority we have over every other animal on the planet?

Is there any validity to the "If cows were in our position, we'd be chomped up for dinner too" argument? I put it down as a hypothetical. As an impossible hypothetical over which no time should be wasted, because cows are actually herbivores- we don't eat so we're not eaten.

Now I'm just even more worked up and I'd really like to talk to someone about this but my parents drive me insane and my brothers don't care, and quite frankly, not many of my friends care either and those that do I don't want to annoy with my incessant vegan antics.

I bite my thumb at you, sir.