It's holidays, and I'm beginning to get bored already.
This isn't a boredom post, by the way- it's more of a I could either do this or I could switch my brain off and glare at a television screen (which is totally different).
Last night, I didn't sleep till 5am. I woke up 4 hours later all sleepy but all gross too, so guess what? I took a shower.
Genius.
I really resent holiday homework; it hangs above my head like Damocle's sword and I don't quite know what to do but tremble. That's surely a logical reaction, right? If I continue to put it off I'll never have to confront it, right? Oh dear. But anyway, I did go to two history lectures on the weekend, one of which lasted a century- or close to- and so I figure that I've already done a fair bit of studying.
My God I am a dull person.
I want to disappear. That'd be nice. To not have to face the world or anyone in it for a while. Am I dreaming? Am I insane? What is this which they call reality? Have I reached it? Do I understand? Why can I not connect to the "real world" like a normal person? Maybe the key is to get lost within one's self. Maybe I just need to recreate myself. I'm sick of being me. I guess being alone, like I've been for a couple of days now, makes people realise this? Or not. I don't know.
I'm not even reading the supposedly depressing book either- I haven't read anything because I can't concentrate. I just want to sleep.
I'm sorry I keep staring at the screen like some amazingly inspired idea will jump out at me. I'm sorry I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry but then I'm not sorry at all- I'm lying to myself and pretty much everyone I know in the hope that I'll suddenly transform into a good person; whatever that means. Oh dear. I should stop.
So let's talk about something worthwhile? 500 Days of Summer perhaps? Hm. Is this a good film? It's hard to tell. I guess it depends on what you're looking for. Joseph Gordon Levitt certainly brightens the film, as does Zooey Deschanel, but then what of their characters? It's not a film about love. Real love is boring and unwatchable, not: Summer: I love the Smiths. Tom: You like The Smiths? Summer: Yeah. "To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die". Love 'em. JGL never even finds anything out about the lovely Zooey- she's like a blank canvas for him to project his fantasies onto. Sure, there are scenes where they look deep in conversation (but the audience never hears said intimate conversations because some indie band is playing loudly over the top) and a whole street full of people burst into dance after Tom and Summer have sex (I know nothing turns me on more than a group of people from all walks of life making bizarre hand movements whilst bopping) and they look really cute in IKEA together playing husband and wife, but is that really all there is to this? I guess I should just be grateful that it doesn't star Jennifer Aniston or Reese Witherspoon. It's a pretty movie with pretty clothes and it's really adorable when JGL draws the skyline on Zooey's arm, so I'm just going to appreciate it for that and not look too deep into it.
Another thing is that 500 Days of Summer is full of all these alternative pop culture references which I realised I needed to find out about. At the moment, I'm downloading the film Sid and Nancy, which is based on Sid from the Sex Pistols, I think, and he kills his girlfriend. That's all I know, as that's all I got from the brief mention of it in 500 Days of Summer. It was made in 1986, so at least I know I'll enjoy it- as it features death, 80s fashion and the band that arguably gave birth to the genre of punk rock. So yay for me.
It's raining. All the blood and sin from the murders last night will be washed down the gutters, down the street, and the whole world will know of the unnatural acts that occured here- outside my very window. There are two types of evil people: those who do evil and those who see evil and do nothing to stop it. With regret I report I am of the latter kind.
let us suspect, cherie, this not very big
box completely mysterious, on whose shut
lid in large letters but neatly is
inscribed "Immortality". And not
go too near it, however people brag
of the wonderful things inside
which are altogether too good to miss -
but we'll go by, together, giving it a wide
berth. Silently. Making our feet
think. holding our breath-
if we look at it we will want to touch it.
And we mustn't because (something tells me)
ever so carefully if we
begin to handle it
out jumps Jack Death
- e. e. cummings
xxx
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